Thank you for reading this, as always.
"BNSF"
She harbors his ardorat the arboretumon noisy Wednesday afternoons.Misty junipers burn along the tree lineparallel to the train rails.The severe summer sunsticks to the skin of herback like cellophane.They profanely sitby the railroad trackspressing hot penniesbeneath the wind of a boxcar.By now, he must have lostat least a dollartossed across the rail ties
It seems a bit disjointed. Several things going on at once and disconnected. Might help if the elements of the scene can be better defined. Arboretum to me is more a place dedicated to trees, not wild groeth along tracks. I love the imagery and flow of mated feelings and words for them. The pennies segment leaps from I know not where.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm sensing lovers or a one sided affair with seeming casualness( pitching pennies) when there is much underlieing tension.
I like much of it but feel some cohesion would work better.